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For years I had a “dream” body. An actual physical woman’s body. And oh, how I idolized her. A mother of 4. She had the body I wanted and made me feel it was possible to have as I watched her online. ⁣

Not long ago, she died. ⁣

Because that body I envied SO much was full of cancer and she was dying. ⁣

I was envious of a dying body, because of how it looked. ⁣

Now, she is gone. ⁣
I am here. ⁣

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about that. ⁣

The hours I wasted dreaming of her body, instead of listening to her words and her wisdom. ⁣
The hours I wasted hating my body, instead of seeing myself for more. ⁣

I miss her. ⁣
While I never “knew” her. ⁣

And well, things she shared over the years, they did stick. Even if my follow and my focus was her body, somehow through that noise, I remember her, her lessons, her energy, her voice. ⁣

Her body, that I envied so deeply, is gone. ⁣
What’s left is her legacy. ⁣

I just needed to remember that today. ⁣
That we aren’t living to be a body. ⁣
We are, in fact, a dying body living to leave a legacy. 

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