My Dream Body, Died
September 21, 2020
For years I had a “dream” body. An actual physical woman’s body. And oh, how I idolized her. A mother of 4. She had the body I wanted and made me feel it was possible to have as I watched her online.
Not long ago, she died.
Because that body I envied SO much was full of cancer and she was dying.
I was envious of a dying body, because of how it looked.
Now, she is gone.
I am here.
There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about that.
The hours I wasted dreaming of her body, instead of listening to her words and her wisdom.
The hours I wasted hating my body, instead of seeing myself for more.
I miss her.
While I never “knew” her.
And well, things she shared over the years, they did stick. Even if my follow and my focus was her body, somehow through that noise, I remember her, her lessons, her energy, her voice.
Her body, that I envied so deeply, is gone.
What’s left is her legacy.
I just needed to remember that today.
That we aren’t living to be a body.
We are, in fact, a dying body living to leave a legacy.