I Have Prenatal Depression, Let’s Talk About It
September 21, 2020
Last week I had to make some hard calls and send some tough messages.
I’ve been chalking a lot of how I’m feeling up to just “being pregnant” and last week it hit me that it’s just not normal.
I’ve spoken openly about the difficulties of pregnancy this time around, the fear and detachments I’ve been experiencing.
It made me feel like a total asshole.
Why can’t I just be happy?
This is supposed to be a happy time.
I looked at Shane last week and finally said it: “I think I have prenatal depression”.
As soon as the words left my mouth I sobbed. And sobbed and sobbed. I made a couple necessary phone calls for next steps (which haven’t happened yet so no follow ups to report). I texted my family, my best friends. I put my phone down.
Here’s some symptoms:
•mood swings
•irritability
•sadness, hopelessness or feeling overwhelmed
•frequent crying spells or crying easily
•a lack of energy or motivation
•a desire to eat often or not feeling like eating at all
•sleep problems, including sleeping too little or too much
•difficulty focusing or making decisions
•memory problems
•feelings of worthlessness or guilt
•loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy, or finding you no longer enjoy them when you do participate
•withdrawing or wanting to withdraw from friends and family
•headaches, body aches and pains, or stomach problems that seem different from morning sickness
I was able to check off all but one from that list.
Pregnancy is so complex. It’s not always happy and joyous.
To be honest, when I feel happiest is seeing other people happy FOR us.
I am often feeling very detached from the baby. It helps that she’s moving now. It’s helped that we’ve named her. But because I held myself off from wanting her in fear of losing her, it’s now harder to check “in” to the pregnancy.
I am committed to finding resources and outlets and ways to navigate through this.
One thing I won’t do, is just pretend it’s all ok.
Too many of us have hidden our pain, our stories, our sadness, because of the guilt that comes with it.
I have been carrying this.
And I’m ready to put it down, talk about it, and learn.