00:00 / 00:00

I keep coming back to this question. Over and over again. Perhaps my time away from the outside world has folded me into myself just a little bit more. ⁣

It was about 5 years ago when my therapist helped me understand my sponge personality. That my opinions felt confusing because they weren’t really my own. ⁣

I’d simply sponged them from others. ⁣

Copy, paste. ⁣

Part of forming my own opinions, becoming more truly “me”, began by looking at all the people in my relational world as advisors. ⁣
Not deciders. ⁣
Advisors. ⁣

This time apart from the world has made me ask who I would be, yet again, without the opinions of others ruling over me. ⁣

Something I now manage on a daily basis, consulting my top advisors when required. ⁣

I remember the 11 year old girl who didn’t think she could wear adidas because the most popular girl did.⁣
I remember the 14 year old who thought she wasn’t cool enough to wear coloured jeans. ⁣
I remember the 17 year old who would agree with everything her boyfriend liked, so he would like her. ⁣
I remember the 21 year old mother who felt judged for her every move because she was so young a mother. ⁣
I remember the 24 year old who started a blog and did it only the way she thought would “fit in” with the rest. ⁣
I remember the 27 year old who stayed in a marriage for three more years after she knew she was done, for fear of what others would think. ⁣
I remember the 29 year old who would skip meals and be proud of how her stomach didn’t grumble, hoping she could take a new transformation photo of her “healthy lifestyle”. ⁣
The remember the 31 year old who hid her amazing boyfriend from everyone so they wouldn’t feel like she moved on too quickly. ⁣

I remember at 32 realizing the depths of how other’s opinions would impact my every day life, as I would begin to step into a more in-depth ME. ⁣

My biggest roadblocks in life were opinions I’d sponged. ⁣
The biggest boxes I sat in were formed by the illusions that it mattered more than it should. ⁣

Not everyone will like me. ⁣
Not everyone will agree with me. ⁣

Can I allow myself to be genuine to me, before I will be a diluted version for others? ⁣

That, is my question.