If The Only Opinion Mattered Was Your Own, Who Would You Be?
May 11, 2020
I keep coming back to this question. Over and over again. Perhaps my time away from the outside world has folded me into myself just a little bit more.
It was about 5 years ago when my therapist helped me understand my sponge personality. That my opinions felt confusing because they weren’t really my own.
I’d simply sponged them from others.
Copy, paste.
Part of forming my own opinions, becoming more truly “me”, began by looking at all the people in my relational world as advisors.
Not deciders.
Advisors.
This time apart from the world has made me ask who I would be, yet again, without the opinions of others ruling over me.
Something I now manage on a daily basis, consulting my top advisors when required.
I remember the 11 year old girl who didn’t think she could wear adidas because the most popular girl did.
I remember the 14 year old who thought she wasn’t cool enough to wear coloured jeans.
I remember the 17 year old who would agree with everything her boyfriend liked, so he would like her.
I remember the 21 year old mother who felt judged for her every move because she was so young a mother.
I remember the 24 year old who started a blog and did it only the way she thought would “fit in” with the rest.
I remember the 27 year old who stayed in a marriage for three more years after she knew she was done, for fear of what others would think.
I remember the 29 year old who would skip meals and be proud of how her stomach didn’t grumble, hoping she could take a new transformation photo of her “healthy lifestyle”.
The remember the 31 year old who hid her amazing boyfriend from everyone so they wouldn’t feel like she moved on too quickly.
I remember at 32 realizing the depths of how other’s opinions would impact my every day life, as I would begin to step into a more in-depth ME.
My biggest roadblocks in life were opinions I’d sponged.
The biggest boxes I sat in were formed by the illusions that it mattered more than it should.
Not everyone will like me.
Not everyone will agree with me.
Can I allow myself to be genuine to me, before I will be a diluted version for others?
That, is my question.