An Apology
April 7, 2020
I’m sorry to all that I missed out on memories with. On moments. Intimacies. Fun. Excitement. For those invites I turned down. Those people I turned away. The love I rejected. The clothes I felt I couldn’t wear. The opportunities I let lay to waste.
I’m sorry that I did that because I saw my body as a means to my worth.
I’m sorry that my scars, my softness, my skin, made me think I was less.
I’m sorry I didn’t see myself for all the things that mattered.
And let hate rent the most space in my mind instead.
I want you to know that I’ve gotten better.
And choose to exist for things so much more valuable.
This gift of life, given once and once only, I fear I had taken for granted.
I fear as though I spent so much time worrying about how to live, questioning if I was good enough, that I missed out on so much of it.
Seeing myself for all that I was not instead of gratefulness for all that I am.
I hope you know how different it is for me now.
I hope you see how I live.