Acknowledge, Process, Understand: Life BeforeOctober 19, 2020
Do you miss it? Life before?
I think I discover another thing I miss every day.
I know we are supposed to always find ways to be grateful and stay positive.
But for me, this is how I do that.
To say: I miss it, life before. And I’m grateful for what we have now, too.
I think it’s ok to miss it.
To say it out loud.
To be selfish with our true feelings.
Or even just to acknowledge that they’re there, amidst the understanding of how lucky we are, too.
I miss airplanes.
I miss the stories I would collect.
The hugs I would hold with strangers.
The people I’d see or meet for the first time.
I miss a really fancy cup of coffee in a new city.
Or a glass of wine in a girlfriends living room.
I miss stepping out onto a stage and letting the tears sting my eyes for just a moment as my life gathers a string of memories reminding me of my why.
I miss that I didn’t chase creativity, it seemed to just follow me everywhere, with new sights, sounds, ideas.
I miss coming home and the feeling of overwhelming completeness when we reunited.
I miss that coming home often was followed by big family stuff. Where you can barely hear a thought over the sounds of children and laughter.
I acknowledge the things I miss.
I honour them, process, understand.
So that I can be grateful for today.
Because I love today, too.
The here and now.
I love that life is no less chaotic, it’s just in one place, sometimes just from one room to another.
I love that we’ve come to want to hug each other in our home more, perhaps more need than want.
I love that I’ve started to look at our home with more intention, paint here, a plan there.
I’m grateful that my body is safe at home, with pregnancy conditions we never saw coming.
I love that I know somehow this is shaping me. Even if I can’t see it or understand now.
I’m grateful that everything has changed but none of the important stuff has, because the heartbeat is strong.
We have each other, our health, family, friends.
I miss life before & I release that.
So that today, I can carry a grateful heart.